Excuse me while I pout.
I am having a moment, day, week, month, no wait a year where nothing I ever seem to do is good enough. I feel like I have all these intentions, plans, ideas, whatever they may be, and none of them go as expected or wanted.
I want to snuggle my baby, hold her all the time, shower her with kisses and hugs and love. I want her to crawl over to me, pull at my pant leg, and look up at me to swoop her up and just snuggle. If you have ever met my daughter, you know this is impossible. She is a busy, BUSY baby, always on the go, cant be tied down, hates being confined more than anything in the world. The only chance you may catch a snuggle session is if she is completely exhausted. I want so bad to hold her and sing her songs, or read her books, but she wont sit still for 2 seconds to even hear one word! I want to rock her to sleep, and have our special quiet time together, to be able to lay her down in her crib without any crying or fuss. The last week, she has fought sleep so bad, she screams her head off, refuses to let you hold her to give her a bottle. (I just put her down a minute ago, and am planning on drinking a nice big glass of wine with dinner tonight!). I want to feed her all different types of baby food, to be silly and enjoy watching her experience new things, nope. She takes 2 bites of food and throws anything on her tray on the floor. If you dont take her out of her high chair in 2 seconds when she is ready, the entire neighborhood knows!
I want to be a good home maker, to have my house be clean (or at least clutter-free most days), to have dinner prepared and my fridge always stocked. I want to cut coupons to save my family money, and have our meals planned out. To have a monthly budget, and take the time weekly to balance it all out.
I want to be a good friend, one who calls people often, just to see how they are. Who makes time to spend quality time together, to do fun things and make memories. I feel like there is not enough hours in the day to even call to say hello some days, and I hate that.
I want to be a great nurse, one who takes the time with my patients and their families, who meets their physical and emotional needs, who is more compassionate. Lately I feel like I am too busy or just exhausted and I hate that.
I want to be a better daughter and daughter in law.
I want to be a better sister, one who can spend more time with my sister during her pregnancy, who can shop for baby clothes together, and talk about what my nephew will look like over a salad at Red’s. I want to throw her the best possible baby shower, with lots of thought and effort, and time is seriously slipping away from me
I want to feel better about myself, to start exercising more and putting more time into me.
I want to do about 247 different craft projects and there is just no time.
Maybe if I pray reeeeeallly hard tonight, God can put just one more hour in the day??
You should strive to be better to YOURSELF starting now. Give yourself more credit. Drink a glass a wine more often. Don’t worry about your house a day or two. Just relax and enjoy your time with Olivia, Mike and Kobe just as you all are because that time is precious. I love you cousin.
4 comments