O.M.G.

What have I done?

Ok so maybe thats a little extreme, but as I sit here with the toddler quietly coloring at my feet (or on  my feet you could say) and the little bean snoozing in her swing I am feeling slightly overwhelmed.

I did not realize how hard this would be.

There, I said it. Its not a shameful thing to admit that as a mother you feel overwhelmed every now and then. I should not feel guilty that there have been moments today where I have asked myself if having two under two was the greatest of ideas. Obviously it is a little late for that now and I would not give my precious girls back for all the money in the world, but my hormonal post-partum self has had thought that a few times in the last couple of weeks. Maybe its the fact that O is on the verge of two and is learning to test limits and patience. Maybe its that my sister just left after spending two wonderful weeks with us and for the first time I am by myself in my house with my two daughters (that still feels weird to say). It could be that I am still recovering from my c-section and dealing with mild pain here and there, and am not yet 100% back to my normal self in terms of my ability to care for O or the normal upkeep of my home (which currently looks like a tornado swept through and tossed around every toy in its path). It is probably just the fact that I am emotional, plain and simple. And I am ok with that.

I know there will be millions of times in my journey as a new momma of two where my patience will be tested. There will be times when I want to pull my hair out and run and hide under my bed.There will be times when I am counting the seconds until naptime or bedtime just so I can take a deep breath, times when I beg God to give me the strength to get through the day and the wisdom to make the right parenting decisions. There will be days like today where my daughter ate nothing but powdered donuts and skittles for breakfast and lunch, sat in time outs for spitting and throwing things at her sister, wore nothing but a diaper and even that was a struggle to keep on, and decided to use her hot pink toothpaste as body lotion. There will  be days like these and I just need to take each as it comes.

But in the midst of the chaos, there will also be millions of times like these where my heart is so full and I know that I am exactly where God wants me to be