Miss O and I have had a fun week, aside from the teething, shes been in a silly mood. I always wake up to her smiling and laughing which is pretty much the best thing ever 
The mean momma I am, I made her a halloween bow (and in my defense, I made this when she was asleep, forgetting obviously how little her tiny head really is!) and she wore it today with this cute onesie
Mummy loves you too sweet baby girl!
Even though it has been a few months that I have known my sister is having a baby (yes, I said baby, my little sister, she is with child, as in: she will be a MOM!!) the reality really set in yesterday. She had her 20 week ultrasound (omg, she is twenty weeks along, that means half-way through, I think I am having chest pains!) yesterday and found out she will be having a BOY in March. I could not be more thrilled for her and Jose, but really, how could my sister be having a baby?!?!?! I barely feel like the reality of ME being a mom has set in, let alone my precious baby sister who I am supposed to guide and protect. Will I be able to give her the right advice? Will we become closer because not only do we share the bond of sisterhood but now the bond of mommyhood?? Will be stray farther apart because we will both be so busy with our lives of being mommies? (I will try my very hardest to never let that happen). Will we get the chance to live close to each other so we can share in this joyous time together?? My heart just aches thinking of us being apart, of our babies being apart, of me not being able to be there when she needs me the most. And while my heart is so full that our family is growing and growing, it has a sadness as well because all of this just confirms how much we are “growing up.”
I swear it was just yesterday that all I had to worry about was waking up for school and what was on TV when I got home. It felt like yesterday when me and my sister were spending our summers off school together, home alone while our parents were at work (yes, they left us home, and no we are not permanently scarred), fighting with each other, but lost without the other one there. Some days, I still feel that way, lost without my sister, longing to have her with me or for me to be back in Cali with her. Actually, its most days, because I miss her so much that it hurts, now more than ever. I need her now, I need to be with her, I needed to be there yesterday, next to her in a chair, waiting for the ultrasound tech to let us hear the heartbeat and announce if Olivia would be sharing her dresses and bows or learning how to play with trucks and trains, I needed to be there to give her a hug and tell her how very proud of her I am, and that its ok if shes scared. I am still scared to be a parent, terrified at times, wondering if every decision I make is the right one, and I wish I had my sister by my side to help me some days. I wish I could call her and meet her for lunch, that she could see my daughter the way I see her, to share in the small joys of the first time she squealed, or when she held her toy for the first time, or when she put her binky back in her mouth all by herself! I wish for that all so badly, and thinking of these important moments in my sisters life and in my life, makes the reality so much more real: that we are not together.
Bean, I love you with all of my heart. I am so proud to call you my sister, and Olivia’s auntie. I know that the next 20 weeks will be the most memorable of your life, and I will try my hardest to share in your joy and be with you as much as I possibly can. Now I know how hard it must have been for you to watch my pregnancy with O from afar, and now I know the excitement that you felt looking forward to having a new baby in your life. I cannot wait to be an aunt, I cannot wait to be there with you the day that you become a mother, the day Jose becomes a father, the day you give mom and dad another precious gift of a grandchild, and the day you give O a playmate for life. I hope that you feel my love and support, even though I cant be with you every day like we would like.
Today we took O on her first trip to the pumpkin patch, holy pumpkins it was 101 degrees outside, in OCTOBER?!? Yes folks, this is Arizona after all. Aside from the unexpected heat, we had a great time, and although she probably had no idea where we even were, she seemed to enjoy it. This place is literally less than 5 minutes from my house, and I am sure we will visit more often when it cools off a little more. Thanks to Auntie Erin for suggesting it and for spending the day with us!
“Dear Jesus, I know my mommy and daddy consider this ‘fun’ for me, but this dress is making me hot, my diaper is wet, and these big orange things have dirt and bugs all over them. Please get me out of this heat and somebody get me some food! Amen.”
Dear Miss O,
I know I say this with every letter I write, but really, I still am amazed every single day at how fast you are growing. I feel like I blink my eyes and you are learning something new, or making a new sweet sound. My heart is so torn because there is a small ache as each day passes, knowing that soon you will be 5 months, 6 months, a year, etc. At the same time, my heart is bursting at the seams because it is so full of pride. I am so proud of you little girl, I am so honored to be your mommy, and I hope that you grow up always knowing that. I love our days together, just you and me, I fall asleep at night with so much joy (and quite a bit of exhaustion too!). A typical day of ours together:
4am: up to feed you since daddy is so sweet to do the ones before that so mommy can sleep. You are still swaddled at night, and your little hand has always found its way out of the blanket and you move it all around until I hold it, as if to tell me you just want me to touch you, it melts my heart every time! You are a pretty quick eater/burper at night and almost always go back to sleep for another couple of hours (thank you for that!).
6-7am: you are usually up for the day, and a lot of days I wake up to hearing you coo’ing in your crib, with a huge drool-filled grin on your face when I finally make my way in to pick you up. We play and laugh together in bed for a while, usually daddy is just snoozin away and doesnt even hear us! I make you a bottle and you are always so sweet in the morning, you stare at me the entire time you drink it, this feeding takes the longest because you always stop to laugh at my silly songs
8-10am: usually down for nap #1 or you just want your “alone time” in your swing. I know you are ready for this when I try every toy, book, song, and baby apparatus that I have and you still fuss
11-1: more feedings and play time. I usually try to get in some pictures of you if you are in a good mood. Sometimes I will cook dinner or do some baking with you either in your bumbo chair or in the baby bjorn, you seem to really like momma and me time! If you didn’t get a bath the night before I try to squeeze in a bath here, you LOVE bath time lately its the cutest thing.
2-4pm: nap #2
4-6pm: we either play in your playroom downstairs and sing songs, or occasionally now that its cooling off will go for a walk in the neighborhood. You seem to really like being in your stroller and you love being outside more than anything, it always calms you down instantly when you are fussy.
6-8pm: your bedtime is somewhere in here, which is just swaddling you tight and putting you in your crib after you eat. You are still up every 3-4 hours through the night to eat, and even when I think I am beyond the point of exhaustion, I never tire of holding you in my arms until you fall asleep again. A sleeping baby really is one of life’s greatest gifts!
I am sure in the months to come, as you start growing and moving our little schedule will change, and I am looking forward to it. I treasure every day that God blesses me to spend with you Olivia, I love that you have made me a better person in just the four short months you have been here.
I love you to the moon and back,
Momma
P.S. Pants on a baby are just about the cutest things ever invented!
