If you havent checked these out, you should! They work really well as sandwhich wraps, pizza crusts, and can substitute anything with a tortilla. Super high in fiber and low in calories. We are always looking for ways to lighten things up around here and this is a super great find. We used them this weekend for egg and chorizo breakfast burritos. I loooove me some yummy greasy chorizo, but my waistline begs to differ so a nice substitute is chicken chorizo or soy chorizo, both available at Trader Joes. Cooks up just like the full fat stuff and you would never know the difference really. Use egg beaters in place of eggs and you have a really low calorie, high protein breakfast! 

I know this has been blurted out on Facebook and mentioned briefly here, however I think it deserves its own post since it is pretty big news 

About 3 weeks ago we were surprised and super excited to find out we would be growing our little family yet again! We had been trying for several months actually, but tried not to focus too much on when it would happen (which by the way is really easy to do with a busy 1 year old) and just were enjoying our life where it is right now. I had taken a test prior to heading to California on our vacation and it was negative, so I let out a disappointed sigh and said “oh well, next month is a new month,” and went on my merry way. In California we were busy and having fun, and I noticed I was late which is really not like me. I was also way more tired than usual, and spent the first 3 days sleeping which is not like me either. So I decided to buy a test just to see if maybe the other one (ok, other three) had been faulty or maybe it had been to early to tell. I peed on the $10 stick, set it on the counter and hopped in the shower. I totally did not get my hopes up since the other $30 in sticks had all screamed “better luck next time!” but was just dying to know. Of course in the shower I daydreamed about when my due date would be, if it would be a boy or a girl, what it would be like to be pregnant again, etc etc. (yes, I am a self proclaimed baby freak). I got out and peek at the stick and sure enough, 2 pink lines. Since it was not one of those digital tests that says ‘DUH YOU ARE PREGNANT YOU IDIOT’ or ‘NOT pregnant, do not pass go or collect $200′ I had to pull out the package insert because the instructions on the stick were not enough to make me a believer. Sure enough, it was a for sure positive and so were the next four tests I took over the next week. Just ask my husband, I am pretty sure he loves how much money I wasted on pee sticks in one month.

To our beautiful baby #2,

Just as I did with your big sister, my plan is to write you letters so you will always know how loved you were and how you came about. Mommy is so excited to be able to have the opportunity to do this all over again! I cherished each and every day of being pregnant with your sister and am beyond thrilled to experience the same with you. I could spend all day thinking about you, if you are a boy or a girl, what your doing in there all day long, when I will start to feel your sweet kicks and punches, if this pregnancy will be the same or different from your sister, what you will look like, what your personality will be…I could go on and on. While you are barely the size of a blueberry, we love you so much already and have already started talking to your sister about you. At 14 months I am not sure she really understands, every time we say the word “baby” she runs around searching for her dolls, but I know that you will be the best of friends someday and it is at times overwhelming to think about what a blessing you really are.

My first Doctors appointment is not for a couple more weeks, which is when I will know more about my true due date and hopefully snag a cute ultrasound picture of you. I am excited for the frequent Doctors visits to check up on you and am looking forward to hearing your sweet heartbeat for the first time. Thus far this pregnancy has been different from your sister because I have had no nausea. I think from the day I peed on a stick with her I had major food aversions and was nauseated all day long up until 20 weeks. I am not getting my hopes up with you, however it would be really nice to not want to hurl every time I brush my teeth or think of food so if you could be nice to momma that would be great

Until next time,

Momma

In lieu of a urine laden stick

Its hard for me to even say the word “toddler” when for so long you have been my baby, but I know that all of this growing up stuff is inevitable and soon you will become a pre-schooler, kindergartner, grade…Ok mommy is getting way too ahead of herself. I would be lying if I said I didn’t cry this morning while watching a show about wedding dresses and thinking about the day we go shopping together for one. Yes, I am that  Mom that will most likely cry over everything indicating that you are growing up. For now, we will just enjoy you being the crazy, funny toddler that you are and cross those paths as they come.

At 12-14 months you are:

-No longer sporting onesies with how many months old you are, which makes momma sad but relieved at the same time relieved that I dont have to fight you to sit down for a picture!

-Expanding your vocabulary daily. Words I hear daily include: momma, dadda, MOM!, DADDDDD!, og (dog), baba, ni-ni (night-night), go, ball, no no, yes, doll, own (phone), oooooo! (you are so smart already saying your name!), ook (book), gabba gabba, and a few other sounds that I am still unsure of. Daddy and I have a running list on the fridge so we can add them as we hear them

-Not just walking, but running, jumping, dancing, and climbing. You decided to climb out of your crib the other morning and nearly scared me half to death. I am still unsure of how you actually got out, but all efforts were made to reduce the likelihood of it happening again and I say an extra prayer every night before bed!

-Eating much better. You love spaghetti, lasagna, chicken, cereal bars, sharing cereal with mommy, toast, strawberries, apples, juice in your sippy, and of course your beloved ba-ba

-Felt the ocean for the first time. On a trip to California we stopped at the beach and played for a while. You were so fearless and had so much fun, you loved touching the water and feeling the sand on your feet. If we hadn’t held you back I think you would have jumped in and gone for a swim to be honest!

-Met your cousins Ian, Jason, Laura, and Jackson for the first time

-Still play very independently and sometimes get mad at us for wanting to help you do something

-Still nap 3 times a day

-Sleep 7pm-7am

-Love Kobe and are starting to understand that you have to pet him nice

-Very loud. From the moment you wake up you are talking/yelling jibberish until the second you fall asleep, it cracks us up!

-Love being spoiled by all your Grandparents

-Love books but are only allowed to read board books. You have torn the pages of one too many regular books so those are being reserved until your a little older

-Love to point and clap

-Have a super silly personality and just love for us to tickle you until you fall over

-Finally hit the weight limit and got a new, big girl car seat. You now forward face so you can see whats going on and seem to like it so much better than your rear-facing infant seat

-Love your blankie and binkies but only for bedtime

-Into everything and pull anything off of a shelf or table that you can get your hands on. If its in reach, its on the floor or thrown across the room!

-Very into giving kisses to mommy and daddy and will often just randomly plant a big ole’ wet, open-mouthed kiss on us. We gladly accept it and always praise you for being so sweet!

-Still do not like being held or confined. The last flight we took to California was a perfect display of this. A packed flight on a Monday morning with no other children in sight, and no one that so much as even looked  like a mom that would understand you screaming your brains out. Needless to say it was the longest hour of my life!

-Like to watch TV occasionally but it doesn’t hold your interest for long. Your favorites: Yo Gabba Gabba, Olivia (I think you like hearing your name), and Wonder Pets

-Love rides in your wagon

-Have 14 teeth and love to brush them

-Finally hit the 20 pound marker!

-All of the sudden began to hate the bath. You scream bloody murder when we attempt to put you in and thrash around trying to climb out or hold on to us with a death grip begging to lift you out. I hope this is just a phase because not bathing you is just not an option little girl!

And the most memorable thing for you right now, is that you are going to be a big sister! You will have a little sister or brother in April of 2011, just before you turn 2. I could not be more happy to give you a sibling and just know what a wonderful big sister you will be. We are already starting with how gentle to be with babies, how to hold them and rock them and feed them. You love giving your babies kisses and I just know you will be the same with your sibling, whoever he/she may be! Mommy is hanging in there, just exhausted like I was when you were in my belly, which makes it tough when I have a busy little girl like you running around! Gone are the days of napping for hours and sleeping in til 10 but I wouldn’t change it for the world

To the moon and back Olivia,

Momma

On July 28th, 2010 my sweet friends life was forever changed. My heart, along with the hearts of many family, friends, co-workers, and members of the community were broken and have continued to remain broken for her incredible loss and the amazing sacrifice her husband made on behalf of the safety of our community. Officer Ledesma was killed in the line of duty while working as an undercover narcotics agent. Not only was he a dedicated police officer and narcotics agent, but a proud marine, loving husband, and wonderful father to 2 young boys. While I didn’t know Carlos, I have heard many stories about him through his wife when we would talk about our family and kids at work, have seen him a handful of times bringing the boys by to see their mommy after a wrestling match, and know most definitely from attending the most amazing funeral services I have ever witnessed to lay this fallen hero. The outpouring of support from local law enforcement and the community was truly amazing, and continues to be as there are still several fundraisers and memorials taking place in his honor and in support of his beautiful family.

His funeral services were so heartfelt, touching, chilling, and tearful. He was laid to rest like a true American hero and deserved nothing less. Remembering his service will forever bring tears to my eyes and an ache in my heart. Listening to his partners, friends, and family tell stories and memories of him, seeing his wife and two sons sobbing as they proudly walked behind Carlos’s casket that was rightfully covered with a beautiful American flag as he was brought into the church. The sound of our sweet friends sobs as she realized the greatness of his tribute, yet the reality of why she was there. The faces of all who attended trying to choke back tears while paying respects. All of the long hugs we gave to each other that day, each trying to comfort the other yet not knowing if we would be helping or making it worse. The motorcade of hundreds and hundreds of uniformed officers escorting the hearse during the processional to his burial. The streets that were lined with thousands of people of the community, waving American flags, holding up hand written signs and posters, saluting and shedding tears to pay their own respects to a man they may have never known but wanted to honor anyway. The grave site was filled with hundreds of various law enforcement and military personnel and Carlos was laid to rest with more love, honor, and respect I will probably ever see in my lifetime. A beautiful song was sung in his memory, a proper gun salute, bagpipes and drums, and a very tearful final call of duty that was played for everyone in attendance to hear. Carlos was loved and respected by so many, and my wish for that day is that his wife and boys will be able to look back and be proud of how honored their husband and father was on the day he was laid to rest.

Through all of this I have felt a huge amount of sadness of course, but also a lot of guilt, as have many of my friends and co-workers. We have cried with each other, wondering how we would ever have the strength ourselves to be strong for our friend, all feeling guilt that we had our normal lives at home with husbands and kids who did not have to experience such a great loss, and not knowing how we would even begin to comfort her. Let me just say, I have some amazingly strong friends that I am proud to know. Many who stayed by her side day and night and continue to do so, who organized things and were sources of information, who controlled the chaos that was the first week of his death, and that continue to do anything and everything to support Carlos’s family. Friends who have stayed level headed and been the shoulder of others to cry on, friends who have been strong enough to pray for everyone involved rather than be angry that God took such an amazing man.

While Carlos will never  be forgotten, it is inevitable that the grief will likely lessen slowly over time, that the pain will get better, and this tragedy will someday turn into the a memory of a hero rather than the fresh wounds of losing your beloved husband and dedicated father. I have prayed for my friend countless times, pleaded with God to let me take away 1/1,000,000,000th of her pain, begged that he would just make this all a dream and Carlos would still be here with us. As some time has passed, I have realized that God will not let me take her pain, he will allow me to feel my own pain for her loss and will ask me to be strong for her and others. It is really difficult to pick any “good” out of a situation that has been nothing but tragedy and heartbreak, but as I sat there during his service and held on to every word the pastor spoke, hoping that something would stick out to give people 1% of comfort, something positive did come of this. I think that God spoke to everyone during Carlos’s service through the pastor that day, some very powerful things were said, many of which were about Carlos’s faith before he began his life with our heavenly father. Him and his family had began attending the church where his services were held a year prior to his death. They went every Sunday and listened to the powerful messages of the word of God, and sang and worshiped as a family. They spent Sundays after church together, honoring the family bond they all shared and Carlos took it all very seriously. He accepted Jesus as his Lord and Saviour. He carried around a Bible and read it often and prayed daily. Him and his wife learned about the importance of having the Lord in their marriage and home life, and their marriage was stronger than ever the months prior to his passing. The pastor made several references to how prepared Carlos was to meet the Lord, and in a gentle attempt to give those in presence something they could do that would honor Carlos, he asked many times “are you prepared ?” It really hit home for me, and if there is anything I can take away from this experience I hope it is that of faith. There are no amount of hugs I can give my friend, no number of meals I can make, no number of phone calls or texts I can send that will help her through her grief. I will be here to comfort and support, but what can I do in my own life that will honor Carlos and help myself grieve? What can all of the friends, family, and community that have been affected by this loss and want so badly to be able to reach out do? Short answer: prepare ourselves. Dig deep into our hearts and pray. Pray that God will show us how to have a stronger faith, how to know him and trust him, how to read his word and really understand what it says so we can better structure our lives around it. Start going to church to hear his word and worship him. Explore our desire to want to love God but sometimes just not knowing how or where to start. I am starting now. I want to be prepared, because life is too short and not one of us knows when our last day here will be. Sometimes we live like we are invincible and we are not promised that, the only thing really promised is life and death.

Thank you Carlos, that through your life and death, you will bring many of us closer to the Lord, you will give many of us a desire to be more prepared for our day. You have given us all a reason to hug our families tighter and make our prayers longer. You have taught us that life is precious, but to live it to the fullest and give everything 100%. You will forever be remembered as a hero and warrior. May you Rest in Peace forever.

My little blog challenge is suddenly not so important because right now, my heart is with her.

What can I say, its been a battlefield around here, fighting off those horrible naps and all. You know, the ones where your bottle is made for you, you get placed in a nice clean crib with your favorite blankie and pillow, your momma lovingly strokes your face and kisses your sleepy cheeks. Your room is a nice 77 degrees, the quit hum of the white noise machine and ceiling fan. A dry diaper and clean hands and feet. All is well in the world, you get ready to close your little eyes and drift into la-la land, mommy starts gathering all the dirty clothes around the house humming a little tune because the next hour is quiet time, and mid-throw into the washing machine…wwwwwaaaaaAAAAAHHHHHHHHH.

Hhmmm. Wet diaper? Dirty diaper? No binky? Teeth hurting?

No. No. No. and Maybe so I give tylenol.  

I gently lay you down onto your pillow (yes, I have a pillow in my toddlers crib), rub your back and remind you that its ‘ni-night time,’ turn around and walk out the door, avoiding too much eye contact because your sad eyes are like daggers to my heart. I set the timer on my blackberry for 10 minutes, sometimes that’s all you need and you fall fast asleep. After 10 minutes of ear-piercing yells and “NO NO NO’s”, I walk back in, check diaper for pee/poo, make sure there are no obvious signs of bleeding or injuries, that your blankie and binky are in arms reach, rub your back and remind you again that its “ni-night time,” turn around and walk out the door, avoiding eye contact of course because now the mom guilt is starting to feel really heavy on my back. This time, timer set for 15 minutes. I go downstairs and leave the monitor upstairs to give myself a “break” from the guilt, because of course deep down I just want to run in and rescue you even though I know that will not solve the issue at hand. Empty the dishwasher, make an iced coffee for a pick-me-up, and head back to check on you. Typically, by this time you are fast asleep, but on some days, the cries carry on and I do the walk in, check diaper run through onelast time. Set timer for 15 more minutes. I usually sit on the couch outside your nursery, crossing my fingers that you will fall asleep and praying that I am doing the right thing. While this doesn’t happen often, its hard not to second guess yourself, even if this is what has worked many times in the past. The max time is 40 minutes, if you have not fallen asleep by then we will go downstairs and try again later. 40 minutes is a time that we decided on after doing research and discussing it with your pediatrician. If you are seriously screaming bloody murder, we do no timers and are done with nap-time then and there.

What do I do to tackle a difficult nap day? I have tried many, many different approaches, and no one works for every child, trust me!

#1: I do not feel guilty when she cries. I love my daughter more than anything and always have her best interest in mind. She will not remember after a nice, hour-long nap to get her well rested that she had to cry herself to sleep for a bit. I know that 40 minutes may sound like a long time for periods of crying, but I am a firm believer that children need to learn to self-soothe, combined with gentle encouragement from the parents that it is in fact sleep time and they will not be missing anything all that exciting on Nick Jr. Thats what TIVO is for anyway.

#2: I make sure that if my husband is home, he is backing me up and not rushing in to rescue the screaming baby. We both agreed on this method after trying many others and it works for us and seems to work for O, most days.

#3: If your baby is a co-sleeper and co-sleeping for naps work for you, then by all means, whatever it takes to have a well rested child. O is not one of those kids, she refuses to sleep with anyone unless you have at least an hour to fight with her to sleep.

#4: Be flexibile with your plans for the day. Typically we have a really loose schedule and I try to fit things in around when O sleeps. Granted, I do not think that her nap schedule should run every single day, but if it is nothing pressing then I wait until she wakes up. This also works pretty well for us since she is not in daycare and one or both of us is home with her daily. She will usually nap from 8:30-10, 1-2 and 4-5, in between I run any errands I may have for the day and that works for us.

#5: Do things between naps that will wear them out. We run around the house, go outside, to the park down the street, put some water in the little blow up pool, play “chase,” etc. Usually this makes for a tuckered out baby and a more restful nap.

#6: Get important things done during nap-times, dont get sucked into the facebook/e-mail/blogging world if you have things on your to-do list that have not been done. It is so easy to let a quick couple minutes turned into the entire naptime which can sour your mood when little one wakes up and you have a mile long list left to do.

#7: Make nap-time as positive as possible, have a smile on your face when you put your child down in their crib, and a smile when you pick them up after the nap is over. Do NOT smile if you are going in to lay them back down, they will think you are ready to play. Make playtime after the nap as fun as possible and plan on feeding them a yummy snack.

#8: When all else fails, be prepared to take care of a zombie sleepy baby for the rest of the day!

Had a great day with my sweet O today, we had so much fun just the two of us. I get jealous at times that she spends so much time with her daddy, but on days like today I am quickly over those thoughts. We spent the morning playing and cleaning, she is really helpful at throwing clean dishes from the dishwasher to the floor and pulling all the books off the shelf that I spent 20 minutes organizing. Gotta love her. We hit up the local goodwill and scored some cool frames and little shelves that I will be sure to add to my mile long “to spray paint” and “to finally put up on the wall so I can say I decorate” lists. We met daddy for dinner at one of our favorite places Costa Vida and called it a day. Will be heading to my mother-in-laws later tonight, if you could say a quick prayer for her that would be awesome. She is recovering from a surgery that is taking much longer than expected and feeling a little down. I think I may bring her a donut to cheer her up

In other news:

*Feeling a little nervous about transitioning to nights next month

*Missing my mom

*Really want to bake a yummy batch of cupcakes lately

*Excited about our new car we will hopefully be getting this month

*Putting together my home-decorating notebook. I have TONS of pages ripped out of magazines, color inspiration, blogs, etc. that I really need to put in one place. It has been in the back of my mind for a while now to start seriously decorating our home, but I keep pushing it back because I feel like I have no real style and am a little clueless on where to begin. Excuses be gone, I am taking this house by the horns and going to make it into our home!

*Planning to watch my TIVO’d Real Housewives of New Jersey. It is the one piece of trashy television that I allow myself to watch and its such a treat I just love it.

Happy Monday all 

This one doesn’t require any thought, hands down it was the decision to move to Arizona.

My husband and I have been together for 6 amazing years. 3 of them were spent with my nose in the books during nursing school, unsure of where my life would take me afterwards, but too busy studying to think about much else. We dreamed often during that time, about where we would end up living, where I would work, when we would have children, etc. His parents had moved to Arizona and while we couldn’t visit that often, every time we did we always looked at houses. You see, the real estate market in California is nothing short of ridiculous. Over-priced houses that make it impossible for a new family like us to buy anything, and the cost of rent alone will break the bank. In a perfect world, of course I would love to live there. The weather is beautiful, the salary for nurses is one of the highest in the nation, and ALL of my family is there (minus a few scattered in Yuma and Texas). My whole life was filled with memories and fun times with my family, all of my cousins (there is a ton of us between the six kids my Grandma had) live in a 60 mile radius, every single birthday and holiday has always been celebrated together, we are that family that is just that close. All of my cousins with children have had the ability to stay close to everyone which is such an awesome blessing. My hubby and I, after so much discussion and looking at the pro’s and con’s, decided we would give Arizona a try. We really loved it there every time we went to visit, it is extremely affordable, my in-laws live here, and its only a 6 hour drive (with no screaming babies or traffic) or a 1 hour flight. My job allows me the flexibility to take several days off in a row without using PTO so we would be back often to visit. Plus, it would be one of the first adventures of our married life together, and we were willing to do it together.

 Shortly after I graduated, we had our wedding (which really was the best day of our lives I must add!), and two weeks after our honeymoon from hell, we packed up a penske truck, hooked up my trust 95′ maxima to the tow hitch, and were on our way. (Who am I kidding? I wish it were that easy. Many, many, many tears were shed on this drive, and my heart ached the entire way. I was leaving behind everything I have ever known, everything that was “home,” and the most important thing in my life besides my husband: my family). We stayed with my in-laws for a short time, and searched and searched for the perfect home for us. Within 2 weeks, we had found a house that was everything we had wanted, brand new and in a really nice, clean, and safe neighborhood. Most of all it was in our price range and we could move in quickly. After signing away our lives and our first, middle, and last names perfectly on 647 pieces of paper in front of the worlds rudest notary lady, we had keys in hand and became home owners.

I had scored a great job as a new grad in the ICU at a brand new hospital that was offering me an amazing orientation and I was really really pleased with everyone I had met during my interview and orientation. Yes, the thought of being an ICU nurse made me sick to my stomach, it was so out of my comfort zone and something I never thought I would be smart enough to achieve. Something about all of the changes in my life, being married, being in a new  place where no one has to know that deep down I am the most un-assertive person in the world and my face turns the lightest shade of raspberry at the thought of standing up to a mean doctor. Something about all of those things gave me this hidden confidence to start my job knowing that I am smart enough to be an ICU nurse, and someday I will make a great one. Landing this great job was more assurance that I had in fact made the right decision and gave me just a little more peace.

In the last year and a half, we have a crazy dog, a beautiful baby girl toddler, my husband has started a successful business that has allowed him to stay home with our daughter when I am at work, I have made a lot of great friends, we have found a church that we hope to make a commitment to once my schedule changes, and we are slowly making a life for ourselves here. I have no idea what the future holds for us and our family, it is always in the back of my mind that I would love to be closer to my family whether its in California or Arizona, but for now this is what feels like home. It took me until now to get to this point, for so long I felt like I was just temporarily staying in this house and at any given moment I may knock on my parents door with O-in-tow begging for them to make room for us. For a long time I looked at houses in California, and while we could never buy there we could rent, and I could dream about being with my parents, sister and brother in law and nephew more and them seeing O more. Of course I still dream of that happening, and when I do I just start planning our next trip. I feel safe here in my home now, its my space now and I have finally began to embrace that I am worthy of this, I am worthy of having a home that I can call my own, a daughter that has been Gods biggest blessing, a husband I adore even when he steals my sheets, a dog that loves me even after scolding him a million times in a day, wonderful, generous friends and a great job that has so much room for growth. Sure, I still have sad days, where I wish my parents could see how cute O is when she learns something new, or when I wish I could go shopping and to lunch with my sister who is my best friend. I still have days where I contemplate walking away from it all to move back. On those sad days, I pray a lot, and lean on my husband for strength. I am always reminding him that just because I am sad does not mean I regret this choice, there are just times when its easier than others. Moving here was the single hardest decision I have made in my life, but it has brought me more rewards and blessings that I remind myself to be thankful for every day.

I often look at my husband and feel so much pride that we took this giant leap of faith to make something for ourselves out here, and while our lives are far from perfect, we are doing pretty well and enjoying every second of this journey

To the moon and back,

O

1. A three day weekend, starting on Sunday

2. My mother-in-laws health and praying for her healing

3. Dreading having to get my wisdom teeth pulled

4. All of the pictures sitting on my cameras memory card

5. Church

6. Possibly switching to night shift

7. Iced white chocolate mocha’s from ‘bucks

8. The stress of buying a new-for-us car

9. O

10. Snuggling with my hubby tonight

Whats on your mind today?