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I have so enjoyed my 5 day stretch off work, and while we havent done much of anything, its been so fun just hanging out with my sweet girl and hubby! I think I picked the best profession in the world that allows me to have time off like this without officially taking “time off.” I love working 3 times a week and having time with this sweet little face

If you havent checked these out, you should! They work really well as sandwhich wraps, pizza crusts, and can substitute anything with a tortilla. Super high in fiber and low in calories. We are always looking for ways to lighten things up around here and this is a super great find. We used them this weekend for egg and chorizo breakfast burritos. I loooove me some yummy greasy chorizo, but my waistline begs to differ so a nice substitute is chicken chorizo or soy chorizo, both available at Trader Joes. Cooks up just like the full fat stuff and you would never know the difference really. Use egg beaters in place of eggs and you have a really low calorie, high protein breakfast! 

Or 5 I suppose since we do  have a dog and all. This week he has been so naughty I almost disowned him.

I know this has been blurted out on Facebook and mentioned briefly here, however I think it deserves its own post since it is pretty big news 

About 3 weeks ago we were surprised and super excited to find out we would be growing our little family yet again! We had been trying for several months actually, but tried not to focus too much on when it would happen (which by the way is really easy to do with a busy 1 year old) and just were enjoying our life where it is right now. I had taken a test prior to heading to California on our vacation and it was negative, so I let out a disappointed sigh and said “oh well, next month is a new month,” and went on my merry way. In California we were busy and having fun, and I noticed I was late which is really not like me. I was also way more tired than usual, and spent the first 3 days sleeping which is not like me either. So I decided to buy a test just to see if maybe the other one (ok, other three) had been faulty or maybe it had been to early to tell. I peed on the $10 stick, set it on the counter and hopped in the shower. I totally did not get my hopes up since the other $30 in sticks had all screamed “better luck next time!” but was just dying to know. Of course in the shower I daydreamed about when my due date would be, if it would be a boy or a girl, what it would be like to be pregnant again, etc etc. (yes, I am a self proclaimed baby freak). I got out and peek at the stick and sure enough, 2 pink lines. Since it was not one of those digital tests that says ‘DUH YOU ARE PREGNANT YOU IDIOT’ or ‘NOT pregnant, do not pass go or collect $200′ I had to pull out the package insert because the instructions on the stick were not enough to make me a believer. Sure enough, it was a for sure positive and so were the next four tests I took over the next week. Just ask my husband, I am pretty sure he loves how much money I wasted on pee sticks in one month.

To our beautiful baby #2,

Just as I did with your big sister, my plan is to write you letters so you will always know how loved you were and how you came about. Mommy is so excited to be able to have the opportunity to do this all over again! I cherished each and every day of being pregnant with your sister and am beyond thrilled to experience the same with you. I could spend all day thinking about you, if you are a boy or a girl, what your doing in there all day long, when I will start to feel your sweet kicks and punches, if this pregnancy will be the same or different from your sister, what you will look like, what your personality will be…I could go on and on. While you are barely the size of a blueberry, we love you so much already and have already started talking to your sister about you. At 14 months I am not sure she really understands, every time we say the word “baby” she runs around searching for her dolls, but I know that you will be the best of friends someday and it is at times overwhelming to think about what a blessing you really are.

My first Doctors appointment is not for a couple more weeks, which is when I will know more about my true due date and hopefully snag a cute ultrasound picture of you. I am excited for the frequent Doctors visits to check up on you and am looking forward to hearing your sweet heartbeat for the first time. Thus far this pregnancy has been different from your sister because I have had no nausea. I think from the day I peed on a stick with her I had major food aversions and was nauseated all day long up until 20 weeks. I am not getting my hopes up with you, however it would be really nice to not want to hurl every time I brush my teeth or think of food so if you could be nice to momma that would be great

Until next time,

Momma

In lieu of a urine laden stick

My curious toddler,

Its hard for me to even say the word “toddler” when for so long you have been my baby, but I know that all of this growing up stuff is inevitable and soon you will become a pre-schooler, kindergartner, grade…Ok mommy is getting way too ahead of herself. I would be lying if I said I didn’t cry this morning while watching a show about wedding dresses and thinking about the day we go shopping together for one. Yes, I am that  Mom that will most likely cry over everything indicating that you are growing up. For now, we will just enjoy you being the crazy, funny toddler that you are and cross those paths as they come.

At 12-14 months you are:

-No longer sporting onesies with how many months old you are, which makes momma sad but relieved at the same time relieved that I dont have to fight you to sit down for a picture!

-Expanding your vocabulary daily. Words I hear daily include: momma, dadda, MOM!, DADDDDD!, og (dog), baba, ni-ni (night-night), go, ball, no no, yes, doll, own (phone), oooooo! (you are so smart already saying your name!), ook (book), gabba gabba, and a few other sounds that I am still unsure of. Daddy and I have a running list on the fridge so we can add them as we hear them

-Not just walking, but running, jumping, dancing, and climbing. You decided to climb out of your crib the other morning and nearly scared me half to death. I am still unsure of how you actually got out, but all efforts were made to reduce the likelihood of it happening again and I say an extra prayer every night before bed!

-Eating much better. You love spaghetti, lasagna, chicken, cereal bars, sharing cereal with mommy, toast, strawberries, apples, juice in your sippy, and of course your beloved ba-ba

-Felt the ocean for the first time. On a trip to California we stopped at the beach and played for a while. You were so fearless and had so much fun, you loved touching the water and feeling the sand on your feet. If we hadn’t held you back I think you would have jumped in and gone for a swim to be honest!

-Met your cousins Ian, Jason, Laura, and Jackson for the first time

-Still play very independently and sometimes get mad at us for wanting to help you do something

-Still nap 3 times a day

-Sleep 7pm-7am

-Love Kobe and are starting to understand that you have to pet him nice

-Very loud. From the moment you wake up you are talking/yelling jibberish until the second you fall asleep, it cracks us up!

-Love being spoiled by all your Grandparents

-Love books but are only allowed to read board books. You have torn the pages of one too many regular books so those are being reserved until your a little older

-Love to point and clap

-Have a super silly personality and just love for us to tickle you until you fall over

-Finally hit the weight limit and got a new, big girl car seat. You now forward face so you can see whats going on and seem to like it so much better than your rear-facing infant seat

-Love your blankie and binkies but only for bedtime

-Into everything and pull anything off of a shelf or table that you can get your hands on. If its in reach, its on the floor or thrown across the room!

-Very into giving kisses to mommy and daddy and will often just randomly plant a big ole’ wet, open-mouthed kiss on us. We gladly accept it and always praise you for being so sweet!

-Still do not like being held or confined. The last flight we took to California was a perfect display of this. A packed flight on a Monday morning with no other children in sight, and no one that so much as even looked  like a mom that would understand you screaming your brains out. Needless to say it was the longest hour of my life!

-Like to watch TV occasionally but it doesn’t hold your interest for long. Your favorites: Yo Gabba Gabba, Olivia (I think you like hearing your name), and Wonder Pets

-Love rides in your wagon

-Have 14 teeth and love to brush them

-Finally hit the 20 pound marker!

-All of the sudden began to hate the bath. You scream bloody murder when we attempt to put you in and thrash around trying to climb out or hold on to us with a death grip begging to lift you out. I hope this is just a phase because not bathing you is just not an option little girl!

And the most memorable thing for you right now, is that you are going to be a big sister! You will have a little sister or brother in April of 2011, just before you turn 2. I could not be more happy to give you a sibling and just know what a wonderful big sister you will be. We are already starting with how gentle to be with babies, how to hold them and rock them and feed them. You love giving your babies kisses and I just know you will be the same with your sibling, whoever he/she may be! Mommy is hanging in there, just exhausted like I was when you were in my belly, which makes it tough when I have a busy little girl like you running around! Gone are the days of napping for hours and sleeping in til 10 but I wouldn’t change it for the world

To the moon and back Olivia,

Momma

Almost a month and not a blog post in sight! I have several excusesreasons for the lack of posts I swear. A family illness, getting my wisdom teeth removed, throwing my back out, a week long trip to Cali, switching to night shift (7pm-7am), and growing a human (more on that later). While these have all been major interruptions in my life and ability to blog, none even begin to compare to the loss a dear friend of mine experienced last month.

On July 28th, 2010 my sweet friends life was forever changed. My heart, along with the hearts of many family, friends, co-workers, and members of the community were broken and have continued to remain broken for her incredible loss and the amazing sacrifice her husband made on behalf of the safety of our community. Officer Ledesma was killed in the line of duty while working as an undercover narcotics agent. Not only was he a dedicated police officer and narcotics agent, but a proud marine, loving husband, and wonderful father to 2 young boys. While I didn’t know Carlos, I have heard many stories about him through his wife when we would talk about our family and kids at work, have seen him a handful of times bringing the boys by to see their mommy after a wrestling match, and know most definitely from attending the most amazing funeral services I have ever witnessed to lay this fallen hero. The outpouring of support from local law enforcement and the community was truly amazing, and continues to be as there are still several fundraisers and memorials taking place in his honor and in support of his beautiful family.

His funeral services were so heartfelt, touching, chilling, and tearful. He was laid to rest like a true American hero and deserved nothing less. Remembering his service will forever bring tears to my eyes and an ache in my heart. Listening to his partners, friends, and family tell stories and memories of him, seeing his wife and two sons sobbing as they proudly walked behind Carlos’s casket that was rightfully covered with a beautiful American flag as he was brought into the church. The sound of our sweet friends sobs as she realized the greatness of his tribute, yet the reality of why she was there. The faces of all who attended trying to choke back tears while paying respects. All of the long hugs we gave to each other that day, each trying to comfort the other yet not knowing if we would be helping or making it worse. The motorcade of hundreds and hundreds of uniformed officers escorting the hearse during the processional to his burial. The streets that were lined with thousands of people of the community, waving American flags, holding up hand written signs and posters, saluting and shedding tears to pay their own respects to a man they may have never known but wanted to honor anyway. The grave site was filled with hundreds of various law enforcement and military personnel and Carlos was laid to rest with more love, honor, and respect I will probably ever see in my lifetime. A beautiful song was sung in his memory, a proper gun salute, bagpipes and drums, and a very tearful final call of duty that was played for everyone in attendance to hear. Carlos was loved and respected by so many, and my wish for that day is that his wife and boys will be able to look back and be proud of how honored their husband and father was on the day he was laid to rest.

Through all of this I have felt a huge amount of sadness of course, but also a lot of guilt, as have many of my friends and co-workers. We have cried with each other, wondering how we would ever have the strength ourselves to be strong for our friend, all feeling guilt that we had our normal lives at home with husbands and kids who did not have to experience such a great loss, and not knowing how we would even begin to comfort her. Let me just say, I have some amazingly strong friends that I am proud to know. Many who stayed by her side day and night and continue to do so, who organized things and were sources of information, who controlled the chaos that was the first week of his death, and that continue to do anything and everything to support Carlos’s family. Friends who have stayed level headed and been the shoulder of others to cry on, friends who have been strong enough to pray for everyone involved rather than be angry that God took such an amazing man.

While Carlos will never  be forgotten, it is inevitable that the grief will likely lessen slowly over time, that the pain will get better, and this tragedy will someday turn into the a memory of a hero rather than the fresh wounds of losing your beloved husband and dedicated father. I have prayed for my friend countless times, pleaded with God to let me take away 1/1,000,000,000th of her pain, begged that he would just make this all a dream and Carlos would still be here with us. As some time has passed, I have realized that God will not let me take her pain, he will allow me to feel my own pain for her loss and will ask me to be strong for her and others. It is really difficult to pick any “good” out of a situation that has been nothing but tragedy and heartbreak, but as I sat there during his service and held on to every word the pastor spoke, hoping that something would stick out to give people 1% of comfort, something positive did come of this. I think that God spoke to everyone during Carlos’s service through the pastor that day, some very powerful things were said, many of which were about Carlos’s faith before he began his life with our heavenly father. Him and his family had began attending the church where his services were held a year prior to his death. They went every Sunday and listened to the powerful messages of the word of God, and sang and worshiped as a family. They spent Sundays after church together, honoring the family bond they all shared and Carlos took it all very seriously. He accepted Jesus as his Lord and Saviour. He carried around a Bible and read it often and prayed daily. Him and his wife learned about the importance of having the Lord in their marriage and home life, and their marriage was stronger than ever the months prior to his passing. The pastor made several references to how prepared Carlos was to meet the Lord, and in a gentle attempt to give those in presence something they could do that would honor Carlos, he asked many times “are you prepared ?” It really hit home for me, and if there is anything I can take away from this experience I hope it is that of faith. There are no amount of hugs I can give my friend, no number of meals I can make, no number of phone calls or texts I can send that will help her through her grief. I will be here to comfort and support, but what can I do in my own life that will honor Carlos and help myself grieve? What can all of the friends, family, and community that have been affected by this loss and want so badly to be able to reach out do? Short answer: prepare ourselves. Dig deep into our hearts and pray. Pray that God will show us how to have a stronger faith, how to know him and trust him, how to read his word and really understand what it says so we can better structure our lives around it. Start going to church to hear his word and worship him. Explore our desire to want to love God but sometimes just not knowing how or where to start. I am starting now. I want to be prepared, because life is too short and not one of us knows when our last day here will be. Sometimes we live like we are invincible and we are not promised that, the only thing really promised is life and death.

Thank you Carlos, that through your life and death, you will bring many of us closer to the Lord, you will give many of us a desire to be more prepared for our day. You have given us all a reason to hug our families tighter and make our prayers longer. You have taught us that life is precious, but to live it to the fullest and give everything 100%. You will forever be remembered as a hero and warrior. May you Rest in Peace forever.

Not feeling like writing much about my life today, am not even up for posting a picture. My sweet friend tragically lost her husband last night in a horrifying situation. I can not imagine what she must be feeling, the thoughts racing through her head, or how she is mustering up the strength to care for her two young children.

My little blog challenge is suddenly not so important because right now, my heart is with her.